Sometimes, as I learned today, the changes that we are working towards don’t always looks as we expect them to when we arrive. I was at the store this afternoon with my husband, and I tried on a new ski jacket. I have been going to the studio regularly 3-4 times a week, and have cleaned up my eating dramatically. People have been commenting on the changes that they see in me. I figured that because of those things, I would probably wear a smaller jacket size. I tried on one size, and it didn’t fit. I tried on the next size, and it STILL didn’t fit. The jacket wouldn’t fit over my shoulders properly.
I will admit, I was gutted. Here I was, expecting to see results in the size of clothes that I wore, and it was the opposite. Instead of getting smaller, I didn’t even fit into a women’s XL ski jacket. How was this even possible? I felt like all of my hard work over the past many months was all for nothing. It was a devastating moment.
I asked my husband about it, and he told me some things that I hadn’t even thought about. Pole fit is a lot of strength training, and my shoulders have gotten way more muscular and defined. THAT is what the jacket didn’t fit. I had gotten more muscle definition and added bulk. My work has been paying off, just not in the way that I had expected it to.
I had jumped to the conclusion that my work wasn’t paying off, but it has been. I didn’t allow myself to think of any positive reasons that I didn’t fit the jacket, only leaping to the negative immediately and getting down on myself. So what if I didn’t fit into that particular jacket? It’s not the end of the world. There will be a jacket that will fit me somewhere. In the meantime, I have my strong shoulders and arms and I should be proud of them. So tomorrow I will get up, look at myself in the mirror, and appreciate what I do have, instead of what I don’t. Ski jackets will come and go, but acceptance of myself is a long term thing.