Unexpected changes

Sometimes, as I learned today, the changes that we are working towards don’t always looks as we expect them to when we arrive.  I was at the store this afternoon with my husband, and I tried on a new ski jacket.  I have been going to the studio regularly 3-4 times a week, and have cleaned up my eating dramatically.  People have been commenting on the changes that they see in me.  I figured that because of those things, I would probably wear a smaller jacket size. I tried on one size, and it didn’t fit.  I tried on the next size, and it STILL didn’t fit.  The jacket wouldn’t fit over my shoulders properly.

I will admit, I was gutted.  Here I was, expecting to see results in the size of clothes that I wore, and it was the opposite.  Instead of getting smaller, I didn’t even fit into a women’s XL ski jacket. How was this even possible?  I felt like all of my hard work over the past many months was all for nothing. It was a devastating moment.

I asked my husband about it, and he told me some things that I hadn’t even thought about.  Pole fit is a lot of strength training, and my shoulders have gotten way more muscular and defined. THAT is what the jacket didn’t fit.  I had gotten more muscle definition and added bulk.  My work has been paying off, just not in the way that I had expected it to.

I had jumped to the conclusion that my work wasn’t paying off, but it has been.  I didn’t allow myself to think of any positive reasons that I didn’t fit the jacket, only leaping to the negative immediately and getting down on myself.  So what if I didn’t fit into that particular jacket?  It’s not the end of the world.  There will be a jacket that will fit me somewhere.  In the meantime, I have my strong shoulders and arms and I should be proud of them.  So tomorrow I will get up, look at myself in the mirror, and appreciate what I do have, instead of what I don’t.  Ski jackets will come and go, but acceptance of myself is a long term thing.


  1. says

    You know what? Some people are just not able to be small sizes. Seriously. I don’t think I’d be a size 6 even if I were bare bones and skin. You are built like me – strong and wide… and I don’t mean that in a bad way, just our frames are not made for skinny or narrow. You are rockin’ it, and you are changing with all that you’re doing, even if stupid jacket designers can’t make a coat to fit you!

  2. says

    I know. Thanks. It just bugs me that everything is made for skinny and narrow, with no regard for differing body types. Same goes for jeans. My legs are solidly muscled, but you try on the wrong jeans and can’t get them over your muscley thighs, and it’s sadness all over again. No more, I say! I will just buy a real snowboard jacket, and be done with the fashion jacket nonsense. 🙂

  3. says

    I know this one..not because I’m broad-shouldered or especially fit but because I have a body that isn’t cookie cutter. And massive feet.
    Mainstream shopping can be so demoralizing. How awesome that your husband can be your sober second thought (mine does that for me as well).

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