Signs from Heaven

Sometimes, when we lose someone close to us, it can feel like they are gone forever. Gone are the emails and phone calls, the talks and the visits. They leave a void, some bigger than others, but always present. When my Dad died almost a year and a half ago, my heart broke. Without my Daddy, the first man I ever loved, my forever protector, I had a huge hole in my heart. He was my biggest … [Read more...]

Self care during times of stress or grief 

The other day I posted about the anger I felt when my Dad was dying of cancer last year, and how much it surprised me. I'm a fixer, I like to do what I can to fix things and make them better, and this was a scenario where as much as I desperately wanted to, I couldn't fix it. I learned a lot about myself and what was important to me during that time, and I honestly believe that as … [Read more...]

On grief and anger

My Dad and I on Halloween 2014. We knew he was sick, but had no idea that less than a month later, he'd be gone. As of yesterday, it has been exactly 11 months since my dad died. At this time a year ago, I was deep in the middle of the worst time in my entire life, and I couldn't really even share my story with the people around me. We were waiting, praying and hoping beyond hope that the truth … [Read more...]

I reached out my hand…

Ever have those days when you feel so very alone and wonder if anyone aside from the people in your house think of you or would notice if you just quietly disappeared? Ever have those days when just the mere thought of something else going wrong is enough to bring you to tears? Ever have those days when you feel like throwing your hands in the air, dropping to your knees and screaming at the … [Read more...]

A boy and his Lolo

My Dad has been gone almost 9 months now, and although life has continued to march on, he is still very much in my heart. I'm still very emotional when I think or talk about it, although it gets a bit easier every day to remember some memory or story and not cry. I know that Q misses him so much. They had such a special relationship, and did from the day that Q has born until the day my dad died. … [Read more...]

Kindness matters – never forget that

It's been almost 6 months since my dad died, and although I have a lot of stories that I want and maybe even need to tell from that time, I guess I haven't been quite read to tell them. It was the toughest time in my life so far, and there are a lot of days when I still feel like I haven't quite processed it. I mean, I know that dad is gone, at least most of the time. I still get the urge to call … [Read more...]

Moments and memories

Sometimes there are moments when I miss my Dad so much it hurts. When I watch Q, and see him the amazing person that he is, and glimpses of the man he will become, my heart breaks a little all over again at the thought that my dad isn't here to see that. We went to the movies with my mom last night, after a full day of Q-styled activities. He participated in an Easter egg hunt at a local … [Read more...]

Oh, yeah, hey there jealousy

I see pictures on Facebook and Instagram of my friends in their workout or dance attire, sharing their skinned knees and sore feet from dance practice, bruises from pole or sore muscles from working out. I see people flexing and squatting or lifting heavy weights, then sharing stories about blown knees and torn arms and tweaked backs. I hear story after story after story about people with injuries … [Read more...]