Depression is not a choice. If only…

Last week, I saw a couple of things on social media that really pissed me off. The first was a meme, shared on someone's Facebook page that had two images, one above, one below. The top image was a beautiful picture of a forest, and the caption simply said "This is an antidepressant". The bottom image was a spilled jar of pills, and its caption said "This is an addiction." Then I read the comments … [Read more...]

I won’t hide behind my pain…

Today is a tough day. Actually, let me rephrase. It wasn't a tough day until about 10 minutes ago. It started in my hand, like it always does, the place where the pain is like an ever present black cloud that is always just there. This is not new to me, not at all.  I live with CRPS, something I've talked about but not sure if I've ever really explained.  CRPS, or Complex Regional Pain … [Read more...]

I had stopped being myself

I have been pretty quiet around here for the last little while, and for that I'm sorry. Things have been a bit of a struggle for me of late, and although there are lots of things I want to say, stories and thoughts I want to share with you all, the words have just been stuck. I've been fighting with the demons in my head again, not knowing whether it is a result of post-vacation … [Read more...]

Picking up the pieces

I can't remember a time when I didn't want to have a career.  When I was 5, my mom tells me that I quite proudly announced to the guy I had decided I was going to marry (as you do) that he could stay home with our children while I went to work and had a career. When I was in high school, I took honours and IB courses so that I could get into a good university. When I was in the Army, I … [Read more...]

Walking in colour

Recently, Q and I participated in our very first 5 km fun run.  I have this love-hate, actually let's be honest, it's really more of a hate-hate, kind of relationship with running. I'm not really built to be a runner, nor have I ever really been, but during various times in my life, *ahem Army days ahem*, I have done a lot of it. I know it's good cardio and exercise, and I hear every say … [Read more...]

Let’s talk. No judgement, no shame

In this world where we want everyone to only see our best, prettiest, most perfect side, we have made it hard to talk about the the real stuff, the ugly stuff, the messy stuff, out of a fear that others might see us as anything less than Pinterest-perfect. The thing is, though, I don't want to be Pintetest-perfect. My house isn't spotless and always clean, and neither is my life. And I am willing … [Read more...]

Broken…

I felt defeated. Completely, totally and utterly defeated. I felt like I had lost a war that I hadn't even realized I was fighting, but looking back, had been engaged in for a long time.  I'm not quite sure when it started. Actually, scrap that, I probably do know when it started, or at least when people seem to think it should have started. Over 3 1/2 years ago, I hurt my hand. … [Read more...]

How to support a friend with chronic pain

As I have been traveling this bumpy road on my journey with CRPS and chronic pain, I have had a lot of time to think about stuff. I'm sure for many people it is weird or strange or uncomfortable to have someone in your life dealing with chronic pain or illness. Especially if you have never dealt with this kind of thing yourself, it can be hard to know how to act around or support that person. I've … [Read more...]