My Dad has been gone almost 9 months now, and although life has continued to march on, he is still very much in my heart. I’m still very emotional when I think or talk about it, although it gets a bit easier every day to remember some memory or story and not cry. I know that Q misses him so much. They had such a special relationship, and did from the day that Q has born until the day my dad died.
All it takes to know that is to look at the way my dad beamed when Q was around, and the way that Q did the same.
I remember telling my dad that we has decided on my Lolo’s name as Q’s middle name. My dad was so touched and shocked and it meant the world to both of us. My dad lost his father at the age of 18, and I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for him. I think of how tough it was for me at 37, and how thankful I am that I got to spend so many years with my dad, and it breaks my heart.
The thing is, though, is that even though the end was really sad, I don’t want that to be all that remains in my head as memories of my dad. I have a lifetime of happy memories and those are what I want to remember and what I want Q to remember. Before he died Dad asked me to make sure that Q kept the happy times in his heart and head and not how he was at the end. I fully intend to keep that promise.
Really, I just wanted to share some of who my Dad was with you.
They loved to play together. Some of my favourite memories of the two of them involve the trampoline. Going through the photos and videos from my old phone on the computer recently, I found a treasure trove of videos of Dad and Q jumping on the trampoline together, dancing to the Wiggles, and laughing. Oh the laughter , and to have captured that on video, completely randomly, was amazing. Q is a baby in a lot of these, and probably won’t remember some of them.
My parents have always played a really active role in Q’s life, and for that I am both grateful and thankful. Q had the opportunity to spend a lot of time during some pretty formative years with my dad and you can see his influence to this day. The other night, I was talking to my mom about donuts, and we were talking about different kinds. Q, from the other room, heard mention of apple fritters, and all of a sudden, we heard “fritters? Did someone say fritters? I like fritters! I’d like one please.” We laughed, and he said that he and Lolo liked fritters.
We were at a restaurant recently and the waiter complimented Q on his nice manners. He asked Q who taught him to be so polite and without even so much as a pause, he proudly relied “My Lolo.”. Ha. No credit to us, but that is ok, my dad would have been thrilled to know that Q thought that.
This year, as we have done for the last few years, we will be going for our family holiday at the beach. I think that my dad’s presence will be missed a lot, but I suspect that it will be felt a lot too. The first year we went, dad had just had his surgery to remove his brain tumor and had to spend a lot of time resting. He made the best of it though, and we have lots of good memories from that year. Last year, Dad was all healed and feeling good, and we had the most fantastic time with him. My dad, who didn’t often take his shirt off because of a painful skin condition, got in the water with Q and helped him work on his swimming. They spent ages out in the the water, just the two of them, and dad even taught him how to surf on the boogie board. I still smile when I think of the two of them way out from the beach, Dad holding Q’s hands as he tried to figure out how to balance on his “surf board”. I think that has got to be one of my favourite memories. It was just how the two of them were together, trying new things, playing, just being together.
My Dad really wanted Q to be in music lessons, and I think that when Q decided to play the drums, Dad was pretty pleased. I didn’t even know that my dad was a drummer until Q started showing an interest in them, and we bought a kit. One day I heard Dad playing around on the kit, showing things to Q, and I was shocked. Although I wish that he could have seen the progress he made in lessons, I know that he would have been unbelievably proud to see his boy rocking it out in the concerts.
It’s been tough for all of us, and it’s been an eye opener for me to try to get through my grief and helping Q deal with his as well. Through it all, though, our boy has stayed strong and happy. Dad, you’d be proud.